The Weekly Report

What I am Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending, & Treating this week <3

Hello friends!

Welcome to the inaugural R.E.P.O.R.T. of the week. I stole this format from a beautiful woman on TikTok during a later-than-I’m-proud-to-admit doom scroll because, frankly, my brain is too fried to connect the implications of Skims’ new bush thong on feminism or whatever. It’s a little different, a little faster, and hopefully, exactly what you need.

READING

I finished Fame Sick by Lena Dunham. Highly recommend. There’s nothing I can say about this book that hasn’t already been said. As a girl, as a sick girl, this book hit home.

I am also a few chapters into Emma Grede’s controversial new book Start With Yourself. I have thoughts, but I fear I’m not deep enough into this read to truly unpack them.

I am also 3/4 through My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh… WOW. This is what I mean when I say I love an unlikable female protagonist. The unnamed main character is a woman struggling with the loss of her parents, a failed situationship, & mounting depression. And her “brilliant” plan to cope is to send herself into a year of rest, a hibernation, with barbiturates to sleep the pain away. I often find works of fiction difficult to sit through, but this felt real to me. Ottessa Moshfegh has written what I would deem one of the greatest dark comedies ever.

EATING

I am home with my family for the weekend, which means I get to drink Utah soda and eat pizza and scrounge around my parents’ pantry in pajamas eating handfuls of cereal all day long. To say I feel bloated would be an understatement.

But in more glamorous news: IT IS ARTICHOKE SZN!

I have an affinity for fried Roman artichokes, which are technically Jewish artichokes, Carciofi alla Giudia, for your information! My boyfriend lectures me on the history of Jewish street food every time we eat them, which I think is part of the appeal.

PLAYING

I am continuing to get into this Substack thing!! In my last post, I opened up about my chronic illness — something that I’ve been horrified and embarrassed about. But seeing how many of you related changed my life. It was so nice to finally see that other people feel the same as I do. So thank you for reading, for sharing, and for being here.

OBSESSING

Real Housewives of Atlanta. Who was going to tell me that basically every meme in history came from this show?? What an all-star cast. And I’m only on season four. Phaedra Parks has quickly become my favorite. She’s like an alien in a human’s body. The way she completely, totally, lacks the ability to connect with other humans endears me to her. Don’t even get me started on her ballet-themed baby shower. She is truly a work of art.

RECOMMENDING

My leather Tory Burch tote bag: I live out of this thing. At any given time, you’d find a few pairs of panties, a lip liner, a journal, loose press-on nails, and Splenda packets. I’m at that ridiculously annoying part of a relationship where I feel like a child of divorce, swapping nights from my house to his. This bag has seen the floor of every café in LA, had a large Owala spilled in it, and yet, she persists.

Ray-Ban Jackie Oh sunglasses: I used to have a pair of Jackie Kennedy style sunnies from Party City (lol). I wore them everywhere for a full year until I lost them in a bread basket at the Cheesecake Factory on Rodeo Drive. So my hunt for the replacement was not taken lightly. Luckily, I am in LOVE with my Ray-Bans. These are the grown-up upgrade.

The Holy Trinity: BNTO, Nuuly, and FashionPass. I get the thrill of something new without the guilt of something permanent… as long as that klepto-maniac bitch in my apartment complex keeps her hands off my deliveries

TREATING

My goal for the weekend is to (try) to relax a little bit (in spite of the four doctors’ visits). I am very serious about finding some zen this weekend. Well… As zen as being back home with my family of six people and two yippy dogs can be.

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend of rest and relaxation, but in a sweet way, not in an Ottessa Moshfegh kind of way.

Cheers to you!

<3 Ty